![]() “Defensive motives” for lying include avoiding punishment or embarrassment, protecting others, avoiding physical or emotional harm, maintaining privacy, and steering clear of awkward social situations. Lying with offensive motives could be as mild as padding your resume just a smidgen to score a new job or as toxic as televangelist Jim Baker ripping off millions of dollars from his vulnerable flock. Moving up to more consequential lies, people can use deception with what Meyer calls “offensive motives” in order to obtain rewards, gain advantages over others, win admiration or exercise power over others. We use these kinds of lies as “social lubricant” without doing much damage. White LiesĮven though we are taught that lying is wrong, we all tell lies every day but lots of them are “white lies.” A co-worker asks you how you are and you say “fine” even though you have indigestion, or your friend asks if she looks puffy and you look straight into her puffy eyes and say “No, you look great,” These are lies, but they’re pretty innocent. So let’s look at lying and liars, and learn how to identify and disarm them. Meyer writes, “Deception is a cooperative act…a lie does not have power by its utterance – its power lies in someone agreeing to believe the lie” (2010). While we can’t control whether others try to deceive us, we can protect ourselves. In some cases, the consequences of lies are devastating. Humans have various reasons for lying, and there are different classes of “liars.” From the average person who tells a couple white lies a day, to the person who cheats to get ahead, to the compulsive or pathological liar who can charm and wreak havoc, we confront deception all the time. As Pamela Meyer writes in her book LIESPOTTING, even animals use deception, like birds that pretend to be injured to divert predators from invading their nests or predators camouflaging themselves in the forest. Researchers say people encounter as many as 200 lies a day, many of them harmless. Research shows that by the age of six months, children learn that they can manipulate adults’ responses to get what they want. These are fairly normal deceptions for a child. I have an even earlier memory of being deceptive: I was in a crib and I premeditated a fake cry so that the babysitter (a pretty teenager who was playing the guitar in the other room with her boyfriend) would come and pick me up. From inside the Chinese restaurant, where we spent the money on a sumptuous lunch, Margaret and I looked out the window to see the boys hunting for us focused and angry, they walked by without spotting us. Earlier that day, on our seaside vacation, his 13-year-old sister, Margaret, and I had been given $20 to share with our brothers at the arcade. I distinctly remember that I felt falsely accused, but John did have reason to be miffed. Not because they stung, but because I was so struck by John’s impressive use of the word “despicable,” and the dramatic flair with which he hurled it at me. ![]() “You’re a despicable liar!” These words, shouted by my 11-year-old cousin, John, were etched into my mind some forty years ago. Pathological liars can be more frustrating to friends and family members because they do not stand anything to gain from telling their lies.Self Development, Self-Destructive Behavior How can you cope with a pathological liar? They usually portray themselves as the hero or the victim in the lies they tell.They sometimes believe the lies they tell, sometimes falling into the category of delusion.Their lies are usually dramatic, overly embellished, complicated, and detailed.Their lie does not seem to have a clear benefit.Pathological liars can appear to be no different than those who lie regularly, however, there are some characteristics to set them apart. What are the characteristics of a pathological liar? Researchers say they need to conduct additional tests and studies to determine the underlying reasons for a person developing into a pathological liar. PREP FOR PUTIN 2.0 Catastrophic warning on Putin's 70th birthday from Russian expert
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